Accept Me

I was a lost kid who didn’t know anything.
Didn’t want power or attention, just acceptance.
Shy, awkward, a child in a man’s body—
five-ten, one-eighty in fourth grade,
too big for the desk, too small for confidence,
learning early how to disappear while taking up space.

Junior high made it worse.
Big body, slow thoughts—or so I believed.
Why can’t I learn like everyone else?
Why does my brain take the long way around?
Hands raised, mine down,
laughter landing close enough to stick.
All I wanted was acceptance.

High school didn’t fix it.
Still behind, still comparing timelines like rules.
I called myself stupid before anyone else could.
A couple friends—just enough to blend, just enough to hide.
I learned to borrow courage from bottles and powders,
anything that said don’t feel this.

I yelled accept me or don’t, I don’t care—
but I cared.
I cared so much it leaked out sideways.
Why doesn’t anyone love me?

I grew, but my addiction grew faster.
Alcohol gave me confidence.
Substances gave me a voice.
Suddenly I was funny, loud, welcome.
I became the life of the party, the spark, the reason people stayed.
Is this acceptance?

Yeah—until the music stopped, until I slowed down,
until I needed something back.

Then the room emptied.
Forever friends became memories.
Growing up is hard,
but growing up while carrying that kid—
the big, shy, awkward kid still waiting to be chosen—
that’s heavy.

Here’s what I know now:
acceptance built on performance isn’t acceptance, it’s a rental,
and the rent is your soul.
I’m meeting myself without the noise,
without the bottle, without the mask.
I’m still awkward, still learning at my own pace—
but I’m not broke.

That kid wasn’t stupid, he was overwhelmed.
He wasn’t unlovable, he was unheard.
And the love I chased from crowded rooms
I’m learning to give to myself—slowly, honestly.

I’m quieter now,
not because I’m weaker,
but because I no longer have to shout.
I’m not asking the world to accept me anymore.
I’m doing that myself.
And for the first time,
that’s enough.

*A Spoken Word Poem Written by Someone I Love Dearly: Dennis Morgan